The Gentle V

One dad who always seems to nail it is Ryan Reynolds and he’s done it again with his Aviation Gin post for Father’s Day with his signature drink, the Vasectomy. It got me thinking about my own experience and in the spirit of swapping stories over a fine beverage, pour yourself a Vasectomy and read on.

I thought having my vasectomy at a clinic that was literally called “The Gentle V” was an excellent start. Located in small town Ontario, the building was tucked away from the downtown core in a quiet spot surrounded by trees, and a charming pond with swans floating about with puppies on their backs. Or at least that’s how I remember it, the realities of what was to come slightly clouded my memory.

Check-in was efficient, friendly and included numbing cream with a glass of sparkling water. When my number was called I strode in with confidence, dropped my drawers with purpose and hopped atop the bed confident that I was safely and quite literally in the hands of someone who had completed dozens of these a day, for years. So when he brought out the needle and explained that he’d be freezing the area for the procedure I was completely relaxed. That only lasted a minute or two.

I thought something was up when I felt the incision.

“Stay still please.” I was instructed.

I became more unsettled when I saw smoke. “Wait… Is that smoke?” I asked.

“Totally normal.” I was told.

I began questioning my inner fortitude when I felt an intense and burning heat. I bit my lip. This must be what all guys go through I thought.

And then it was unmistakable. I felt a cut, a searing sensation in an area of my body that I least want to experience pain. My body spasmed as I stifled a cry. A head jerked up to meet my eye.

“Wait, can you feel this?” I was asked.

He tugged on a part of my insides that aren’t normally meant to be tugged on and in a fraction of a second every pore in my body pumped out sweat, drenching me instantly.

“YES!” I cried.

That’s when the wheels fell off. The whites of his eyes went as large as dinner plates. He jabbed at the intercom button and ordered the nurse to urgently arrive with fresh towels, more freezing solution and, what I thought was a nice touch, a glass of orange juice.

“Drink it.” I was told.

When my vision came back and my sugar levels were restored I was given an update.

“The first side didn’t freeze properly. I need to finish and then I’ll give the second side another shot. That should be better.” I was told.

It was. Round two didn’t feel a thing. So that’s how it should be I recall thinking. I gingerly got dressed.

“Well now you can tell your wife you’ve experienced a pain similar to childbirth!” I was jokingly told with a slap on my shoulder. I refrained from telling him I thought this currency would be of little use to me and duck-walked out.

Science is marvellous and humans are imperfect but a great drink will always be a great drink. Here’s to the vasectomy.

Dawn of Back to School

Starting back to online school after two weeks of holidays wasn’t pretty this morning…

Happy HO HO’s

For 41 years I’ve been designing my family holiday card. It first started with my drawing an image, my dad photocopying it and all four of us sitting around the kitchen table with a different coloured marker, colouring our section in. The image created was meant to capture the spirit of the season. Over time it grew into something that embraced the season as well as the feeling of the year, and then grew further into incorporating my kids and dog into the image. I struggled with this year’s visual but ultimately felt a nod to the realities rooted in the holidays was the best way to go. It will also be an archival piece with a story attached to it years from now. I hope you enjoy it.

Social Distancing made easy

social distancing

Two metres. Six feet six inches. These are numbers we understand in a literal sense but when we’re asked to keep that distance apart I like the idea of associating a visual with it. So, keep a fridge, a cow, Michael Jordan between yourself and someone else. Social distancing – sorted.

Harmony and Balance

work vs play

Evening dog walks are a great time for wisdom….

It’s called growing up…

Do it all

Ahhhh September with your cooler air, fall colours and incessant-punch-to-the-face scheduling nightmare.

The back to school binder

back to school binder

And here is the offending piece.

binder

I’d brought it in to Bow Valley Basics as we were after the exact same size and the exact same colour and the staff remarked they’d never seen one so well… used. They asked to keep it. I agreed. Back at home we had a short lecture on presenting ourselves in a way that reflects our desire to learn and positive self image. It was met with eye rolling and sighs. Let the new school year begin!

Front Row Dads

Screen Shot 2018-08-23 at 9.22.05 AM

A HUGE thank you to Jon Vroman and his Front Row Dads Podcast as we had an amazing chat about life, fatherhood and art. Jon does some amazing work with a charity he created called Front Row Foundation that creates incredible once-in-a-lifetime experiences for kids and adults with life-threatening illnesses by giving them a Front Row experience at the live event of their dreams, and then helps the recipient and their family to use that experience as a metaphor to live every day of their lives — in the front row. He added to his busy schedule by creating Front Row Dads, a site to help dads become the best fathers and husbands they can be (among many other things!).

Please click on the image above to link to our interview. Enjoy!

 

Off switch

off switch

An oldie from the Art of Dad archives for Throwback Thursday! There was a time when I really wanted an off switch function…

… whose kidding who. It would still be handy from time to time.